A lot can happen in a year
A lot can happen in a year.
You can go from the shell of a person, a desiccated husk oiled with a steady diet of poison, to something entirely else instead. You can transform your body from a collection of inflamed tissue, dusky with sadness soot, to a beautiful, fluid machine that slips between the strata of the world – emerging unscathed from between the knives.
It can be done. A wrong can be made right. A lot can happen in a year.
You can find a strength inside that is absolutely indomitable. You can start over with yourself, and refill a true heart from the bottom up. Drip by drip. Brick by brick. Stitch by stitch. You can walk a new pattern, and reignite the quiet lamps of your blackened firmament until it shines, alive once again with constellations.
You can run up that damned hill and make a deal with god...or run up that hill and make a deal with yourself. Because you deserve better. Because you matter. Because you ain't seen nothin' yet. Because there is something that makes life divine - and it's not about what you put in you, but in what's already there, ready to be uncovered and nourished, built up and celebrated.
You can face christenings, weddings, birthdays, and the waves of mourning that still drag you in the undertow, across the rocks, ragged and bleeding, with saltwater biting open wounds. You can catch up with friends established, accept friends lost, welcome old friends you've just met. And you can do it all with a smile, a song, and some better choices in your glass.
You can nobly suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against them with a middle finger in the air. You can see what they're trying to make you into, and refuse – because you're nobody's sycophant. You can watch as the others climb together, and be glad of your differences. You'll suffer the consequences of your actions and, in doing so, keep your humanity intact.
You got this. You can live through it, and more than just survive. You can be here now. Let the light in. Feel it all. Get used to good. Be okay with where your mind lives.
You can stop just existing as an all-consumer, and instead elect to both make and take in turn. You could start a blog and fill it with thoroughly self-indulgent and flowery text. Feel the fizz and crackle as words cascade from your fingertips, and emerge from your reverie hours later with something you're proud to have said. You can create, play, paint and record. You can sing sitting down.
You can be okay with imperfection, because the process is about sharpening your edge, not seeking adulation. Becoming a better person, even though there's a price to pay. Because it's the right thing to do. Because that's how you know who you are.
You can find freedom in letting go, and stop trading in those many moments later for a few cheap ones now. Later on, my love, you'll wish you hadn't sold yourself so very short.
You can seek out new experiences, learn, travel some, and quite literally taste the wonders the world has to offer. Discover passions you never knew you had, and bathe in those you'd forgotten long ago. Awaken those that lie sleeping, and smile inside knowing there are more you haven't even dreamed yet.
You can love her. Or him. Or them.
A lot can happen in a year.
Your will is a sword that can conquer kingdoms. Wield it well.
Love always,
Fay
xXx