Will life just be kind of crap from now on?
Picture the scene: you've decided that drinking alcohol isn't for you any more. You're done with it, and this time it's for real...because you, like me, are certain that you'll actually die sooner than you should if you keep drinking. Your decision is made: no more of that then. Or maybe you're one of the other remarkable folk who has taken a long hard look at their life and decided that they need to do something different, and alcohol doesn't fit into their vision. Square peg, round hole. Either way, well done, you brave, clever, magnificent human being.
You might be wondering though, 'Will life just be kind of crap from now on?' Well, that all depends on you – and whose lies you're willing to swallow this time.
Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight
The advertising industry will tell you that a life without alcohol is drab, grey, and mundane. If they're to be believed, you'll instantly transform into some unfuckable husk of a person with zero magnetism the moment you stop drinking. Without the product they're trying to shill, you will be Less Than – and nobody wants to be Less Than, right?
They'll sell you that only by drinking can you have anything like a good time, and that you can only hang with the pretty people if you're drinking what they're drinking. In ads, people who drink are the protagonists of their stories (which often seem to involve Cuba) while the rest stand on the sidelines of their own lives. Whether the setting is a remarkably clean bar with a dry ice machine, full of guys in open shirts (in Cuba), or somewhere rustic with a crowd of middle-class young people in oversized chunky knits, the story's the same: drink this to be this. Drink this to be as fun, sexy, exotic, erotic, homely, comforting, beautiful and free as we are. You can't if you won't. Peer pressure in a curved glass.
Drink me
In the last few months, I've found that none of the above is true. Admittedly, I never wanted to hang out with those pricks from the adverts anyway – but the idea life is now devoid of breathless beauty, fantastic sex and reckless adventures is just patently untrue. The romanticism of alcohol in adverts for the stuff is utter bollocks, and as time passes without it, you're likely to realise what I did: it's not the alcohol that creates the good times, it's you. By being willing to try things, do things, be spontaneous, go places, see things – that's where the fun comes from. You don't actually need to be buying what they're selling to have as awesome a time as (or better than) the people who are buying it. You just need to be you, and willing to interface with the world, deciding your own filters this time.
The cutting room floor
Movies and TV have likely prepped you for a negative view of a life without alcohol, too. If you've been watching the media I've been watching all my life, you'll have spotted that people who don't drink are overwhelmingly portrayed as some kind of punchline: virginal losers who need to 'loosen up' and get a makeover, or broken, pathetic creatures who miss their poison of choice terribly. Lost souls in a sea of sips they're 'not allowed' but so dearly want just one more time. The sober are exasperated witnesses to the drinkers' good times. Stuck up designated drivers. Empty. Lonely. Sad. Deprived. Victims.
Again with the nonsense. A life without alcohol in me is just as full, sexy, interesting, exciting, and exotic as that of a drinker. Just without the drunkenness, or the hangovers, or the memory loss. There's less vomit. It's nice. But where's the drama in that? There's definitely less pointless drama in my life without alcohol, so it's no surprise that visual media just doesn't really have room for stories about people like me. People who don't get fucked up all the time but are still actually cool(ish, steady on), interesting people living adventurous lives.
Which lies to swallow?
Stop drinking and all better then? Well, no. I'm afraid not. The truth is infinitely more complex than the simple fibs a 30-second ident, or paid product placement in a movie, can possibly present.
Without alcohol... Life is still challenging. People are still assholes. Bad things still happen. I personally still suffer from a bunch of physical and mental ailments. The world's ills aren't magically fixed because I removed alcohol from the equation, but life is better. It doesn't happen straight away, but the frayed edges start to knit themselves back together, then little by little the world shifts into focus and you're left standing in a frame that you're actually okay with. The ups are beautiful, the downs are somewhat less awful taken as a whole. Plus, I've not apologised to my liver while retching recently.
So will life be kind of crap from now on?
It's not a trick question, but it's one where the answer is decided entirely by you – and not in a happy clappy, positive thinking kind of way. There doesn't have to be singing, mantras or a connection to the universe for your life to be beautiful. (If that works for you, more power to ya, but for the folk it leaves cold like me, an alternative is nice to have.)
In my experience, you just need to be kind to yourself, give it time, and let yourself reframe. Say, 'Since I'm Not Doing That, I'm going to Enjoy This Anyway'. Pay attention to your surroundings. Let yourself see the beauty of the mundane - and not just at Christmas when the music swells. Don't try to force it, but be mindful of the wonders in your field of vision right now. You don't need alcohol to turn the colour up on the world, you just need to look. You don't need to swallow any more of your own lies.
It gets easier, I promise.
If you feel comfortable with it, you can still go to that dry ice bar, or that knit-laden setting, and enjoy it with something different in your glass. But you won't find me there, because I never wanted to hang out with those pricks anyway.