HELLO WORLD

Over the coming weeks and months I'll be cataloguing my mistakes here. Not all of them – after all, some things are sacred – but rest assured that these pages will soon house a fine selection of things that popular opinion will say I probably just shouldn't have done.

It's not my intent to clown for clicks – quite the opposite – it's actually a pretty mundane exercise in changing the way I live.

Expression, redacted

I recently had cause for some self-reflection – a brush with your own mortality will do that – and I realised something about myself that seems a damn shame: as a creative(ish) type, I tend to hold back, or shy away from putting the products of my bumbling artistry out into the world, because...well, they might just be total rubbish. (Hell, nobody wants to be a purveyor of crap art, do they?)

When I make, or create, things in my personal life (as opposed to in my professional life) I find it hard to mould those things into a shape where I’m happy with them. Perfectionist tendencies stymie my process, and I never know when to end the story of a piece. As a way to avoid all the problems birthed from endlessly struggling in circles, I’ve fashioned a life where I simply don’t make, or publish, or do.

Insight into my own problems

As an analytical(ish) type, I know that if you wait for something to be perfect, it's impossible for it to ever be finished. There'll always be a list of improvements you could make, and there'll always be more to do before you can let yourself be proud of what you’ve made. Worse still, even if you do achieve that halcyon state where everything's just right, it's fleeting: time will march on, tastes (including your own) will change, and yesterday's incredible will be today's, 'What was I thinking?'

As a thoughtful(ish) type, I also believe that in creative pursuits, quality (much like beauty) is in the eye of the beholder. There are vast swathes of humanity that simply don't value the same things I do. To those folk, the works of my favourite artists are irrelevant, or rubbish, or simply...mistakes. I can't please all of the people all of the time – including, mainly, myself  – and nor should I try.

Which leaves me with the paralysing paradox of not being able to comfortably put something out into the world unless it's 'perfect', while simultaneously knowing that my kind of lofty goals are absolutely impossible to achieve.

So, I've made a choice. Let’s get uncomfortable. Really, really uncomfortable. And just live with it.

The only way out is through

Perhaps I won't ever feel like anything is truly finished. Perhaps what I write, paint, record or publish won't be any good. Maybe I'll always feel that weird, itchy state of potential energy when I look at stuff I've put out there. But, who really cares? There's plenty of music, art, and writing in the world that I think is absolute shitcakes – why not add my personal brand of nonsense to the pile?

I’ve been living all this through the wrong lens. The final destination should never be my goal, instead, a journey full of personal growth is what I should strive for...the cost of which may be kindly accepting myself as a purveyor of crap art.

Acceptance

I’m going to die someday. So are you. This will all just end. All that will remain on this plane of existence is the memory of who you were, some unflattering photographs, and a pile of money you were saving for a someday that never came. Terrifying, isn’t it?  

What are you going to do in the meantime?

When I look back on my life, I'd rather laugh at the silly things I did, instead of regretting things I never tried; if everything but perfection is a mistake, I'd rather make mistakes than not make anything at all.

And so begins what I’ll be calling my Imperfection Project, much of which will be catalogued here, and on my YouTube Channel.

These are some of my mistakes. Whether you like them or not, I hope they inspire you to make your own.